Given the nature and the intent of Acceptance Theory, I have spoken often of accepting others. To that end, I have spoken of observations, of learning, of understanding, and of change. I have touched on the difficulty of making such efforts- details of comfort zones and being the first to make a move, a choice, a change. Make no mistake- by speaking of Acceptance Theory, or acceptance or observation or understanding at all, I am asking for change. Change is ongoing, and when performed consciously, it is often a difficult process.
The difficulty of change is perhaps the biggest reason why so few people try to change anything- be it themselves, their situation, their friends, or their world. Typically the difficulty of change is tolerated only when the hardship of enduring the present situation becomes greater than the hardship of enduring the process of change- people tend to follow the path of least resistance.
I have asked that people accept others, knowing they will not change. In effect, I am encouraging the change(difficulty) of one party, without doing so for the other. I have asked people to approach others from a point of curiosity and not condemnation. In effect, I am encouraging the growth(difficulty) of one party without forcing anything of the other. The truth is, one only has the power to truly change one person- the self.
I've mentioned elsewhere the nature of hate, and how I used to be a person possessed of a very hateful heart. I've mentioned in that post that hate corrupts, hate destroys. Knowing this, and knowing that change is difficult, often accomplished only when the present is unbearable, one might be led to believe that I am suggesting a fault or flaw worthy of hatred or at least discontent lies in the hearts, thoughts, and actions of those who do not think in the manner of acceptance.
That's how I used to think. My hatred stemmed from(among other things) the realization that I was changing, growing, suffering every day for friends who knew nothing of my struggle, who openly acknowledged the faults of one another, but never sought to improve themselves- friends who then insisted I go overlook their faults while expecting me to remedy mine.
The truth is, everyone is flawed. We all can grow to be better people. It is a matter of seeing our shortcomings and committing to improving what we can. I say this to remove any suggestion that those who do not accept a given group of people are the only ones who should grow, or that one should hate oneself if one is in need of change. As I have said before, the fact that a given individual goes first is no indication of fault, nor the only source of it. As for self loathing, the reality is, one must love oneself as well as others in order to enact true change.
Just like with the other, for Acceptance Theory, one must see the good and bad in themselves and reserve judgment- seek understanding instead. One must move beyond their comfort zone in assessing who and what they are- and not feel ashamed for doing so.After all, Acceptance Theory calls for the acceptance of all people.
What is the individual if not a person in need of acceptance for who they are?
