The Truth About Hatred

Please excuse the absence. Life has been happening, and I am not sure how to continue.

Today, I happened across an article about a man who was shot dead by police. If you're in America, then likely you are aware of the controversies, especially current, involving the police's use of force, African Americans, and the correlations between the two.

I'd argue that there is a problem of people being killed by police unjustly, African American and otherwise. However, it's not something all police do- and sometimes such kills are legitimate. As was the case in the aforementioned article.

The link, if you care to see the story, is here. http://news.yahoo.com/officers-shoot-kill-man-knife-st-louis-suburb-153024453.html?bcmt=1429386425672-a7749708-5d0a-4136-8349-3cae7ce5238b_00002g000000000000000000000000-be6d34c3-3d2d-4190-9a61-6020e1bd9c94&bcmt_s=u#mediacommentsugc_container

However, others reading the article took that opportunity to spew hatred for police, or for African Americans, and that brings us to my point about hatred. Truth be told, it is encouraged.

Given enough hatred, people lose sight of other goals and aspirations.
Given enough hatred, people develop various health problems, directly, and indirectly.
Given enough hatred, people become easy to manipulate or destroy.

I know firsthand, as I used to be a hateful person. Thankfully I had understanding friends who helped me overcome my hatred. So obviously, I am of the mind that on a personal level, hatred is detrimental. Of course, it also goes against the concept of Acceptance Theory, for hatred does not lead to acceptance, and it typically makes acceptance impossible. Hate breeds more hate, and leads us back to the rule of three above-
People:
lose aspirations
suffer poor health
are easily manipulated

Truth is, hatred keeps people from coming together. Why is this bad? Because people who come together tend to accomplish great things, and more often than not, work for the greater good of the group.

I said earlier that hatred is encouraged, and I meant it. Which means that coming together is discouraged. So now you're wondering "If coming together leads to the greater good of society, who would possibly be against that?"

To that, I say,  look around you. Who has the most to lose in situations where resources are redistributed to create a greater, more stable, more balanced quality of life for EVERYONE?

To return to the article, I made the personal decision to post after reading comment after comment of hatred- and people agreeing with such. My comment dealt with the larger picture, calling out the uninformed and the misguided and encouraging them to think instead of assigning blame one way or another.

Those comments are still on the page.
My comment is not.

What do you think about that?

Thoughts on Judgment

A discussion with a friend of mine brought up an interesting point in regards to human nature. When presented with new information, the first thing we do is compare it to old information. This applies to everything from gossip to appearance.

I've already made a post about first judgment, and this ties into that in the sense that in order to tackle what we do not understand, we quickly cycle through comparisons between what we see before us, and what we've seen before. In broad and general terms, a comparison between self and other is a good place to start, especially with obvious differences such as race.

In defining something, we immediately take note of the obvious similarities and differences, but doing so often unconsciously brings us to draw conclusions that are not necessarily accurate. This is especially the case in situations where there is third party or faulty/untested information involved that draws a partial connection to the new information(person) we face.


It's better to be openminded. It makes sense to compare the new to what we already know, but we should be careful that we do not place too much stock in what we've heard, especially in regards to absolutes, or single instances of particular behavior.

Absence

I've been away for awhile, and for that I apologize. Truth be told, I've been working on the tedious(but unfortunately important) goal of building my own life. It has been a learning experience on may levels.

Currently, I hold a position that puts me in contact with large numbers of people on a daily basis. I meet all sorts of individuals. They have their differences, but often are unified by a singular need- their current concern, whatever that may be, and it is my responsibility to provide satisfaction. Most of them are concerned only with the aforementioned need- and not with one another or myself. It's wearying to be sure.

Still, on the worst days, I still stumble across the occasional individual who honestly inquires about me before getting down to business- and even on the days where I fail to return such courtesy, it is refreshing. It is a reminder of how the little things, positive and negative, matter. Not details assigned from birth, nor the major beliefs or decisions developed during life, but the basic treasure of human interaction, a singularity on its own, separate from all of the things that would divide us.

Respecting one another on a personal level regardless of circumstance is more important than any of the boxes we've put ourselves in. Especially in today's world, when times are hard and we are encouraged to think only of ourselves, it is easy to forget. But if everyone were to consider others as well as themselves, the day to day would be a little easier- and with enough time, we'd get through all of our greater dilemmas.

The catch is, we have to do it together. It starts now, with each individual thinking about the big picture. It moves when we help one another without expecting returns, when we act in kindness and not greed. It grows with everyone contributing what they can, and in times of weakness taking no more than they need. And it continues moving when we do not allow petty differences to come between us. At the end of the day, we are all one species united by potential, by hopes and dreams and desires and will- there's no reason we should fight or step on one another.

Take a moment and think- do the best you can for those around you, and encourage others to do the same.

On Differences

People seem to forget that we're all human. 

Everyone, self included, is struggling to define themselves, but definitions simply separate us, cause factions and the notion of an "other". From there, it becomes second nature to assume a ranking, as different things somehow can't be equal. We as people sometimes take excessive pride in labeling ourselves. Yes those things define us, but ultimately such things are meaningless- minor details at best. Those things about us, things like lifestyle and religion, or things we are born with that we cannot change- These things make us neither better nor worse.

It isn't about what we are so much as how we act. And we shouldn't treat one another differently based on anything other than their intent and their actions. 

I have a dear friend who captures my concern quite well:

"I have seen a lot of people discussing things back and forth over the past few days.. and what I have seen, quite frankly bothers me.

Right now, the USA is in discussion about the very important topic of rights.
I have seen people for.. I have seen people against..
I have heard people cite their religion for their decisions, I have see people cite their loved ones and family for their decisions..

What have I taken away from all this?
We people, as a nation, as a planet.. are neglecting one very important thing.

It goes BEYOND religion...
It goes BEYOND love and family...
It goes BEYOND borders and land masses..

I sadly see that this is a plague.. on a global level... that not only condemns everyone who decides to feel one way or another.. I see a plague that is at the heart and root of our very planet's break down.

We all talk about World Peace... We all talk about how if we could all get along that the world would be a better place.. There would be no suffering... no hunger... no wars... etc etc..

World peace is very much possible.. but sadly we are SERIOUSLY over complicating it..
It is a very simple thing... really... and it only requires TWO things from each of us. Two very simple.. FREE things that are within each of us.. right this second and have been since you were born and will be until you die.

#1
DROP THE LABELS.. NO MORE Black/White/Gay/Straight/handicapped/able bodied/Christian/Pagan/Atheist/rich/poor etc etc..
No more hiding behind what you "THINK" you are, because if something was to happen tomorrow and everything you "THINK" you know/have/believe in were to be stripped away.. you would be just like everyone else...
If you STOP putting a label on it... then what are we?!
it's simple.. we are all the same thing...

HUMAN BEINGS

#2
TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU.
If everyone just STOPPED for a moment and now.. because we are all on an even playing field as HUMAN BEINGS.. treated everyone with the most simple of respect, tolerance and human decency, not only would this nation.. but this WHOLE PLANET... would become the utopia that we all dream of.

So seriously.. stop labeling everything around you... PUT DOWN YOUR RUBBER STAMP... stop labeling everyONE around you.. and see people for what they REALLY are.. and start treating EVERYONE as what they are..
HUMAN BEINGS

Just remember..
Something could happen tomorrow that would..
Make all religion turn out to be a lie and non existent..
Make all money useless and no longer needed
Give everyone 'perfect health' or globally uniform skin colour...
etc etc etc

We do not know what our planet's future holds.. BUT we DO know what it holds right this second.. a bunch of human beings so caught up in themselves that they have forgotten the most very basic meaning of life...

WE ARE ALL EQUAL.. and as such.. WE ALL DESERVE TO BE TREATED EQUAL...

IN EVERYTHING AND EVERY WAY, FOREVER

And that, my friends, is my 3 cents worth.

Should you have a problem with my words... That too is your choice.. and I offer you the unfriend button...
But just remember... You can not deny this simple truth...

YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING....
Perhaps it is time we all started acting like one."

It really is that simple. We are all human. That factor ties us closer than any difference can set us apart. 

On Observation

Principle- Monitor and interpret observations wisely.

A while ago, I made a post regarding the nature of judgments. 

The brief recap- everyone is judgmental on some level, the slightest level of interaction(essentially, all it takes is one individual perceiving another with any of the five senses) is grounds for a judgment. That being said, it is important to move beyond those initial judgments and gain additional understanding.

Observation has come up in a number of posts thus far, but I've never addressed it directly. Normally, there is simply a short little bit about observation being limited compared to interaction/communication and is an obstacle to leaving the comfort zone, ie "that doesn't 'look' fun or interesting or good, therefore I'm not going to bother with it."

While those above points are true, observation still should play a role in one's quest to understand and accept others. In a sense, ruling observation out completely is impossible, for observation is an extension of perception, and without perception, one cannot interact with others. Even beyond that inseparability, however, there are uses for observation.

Observe for speculation: Simply observing a people or practice will not provide everything there is to know about the subject matter. Nonetheless, by observation, one can identify certain qualities that are staples of aforementioned people/practice. Based on these observations, it is possible to (with respect) engage in discussion with individuals who are different. Having a specific aspect of a person's culture/lifestyle to address to question allows room for discussion. Contrast such a discussion to one where few observations are made and one simply questions the entirety of one's culture/lifestyle/practice. In the former case, one is curious. In the latter, one may be perceived as confrontational.

Observe for safety: Should be a no brainer- Identify potential hazards or other dangers. If a situation appears to be dangerous, then observation alone is likely the better course of gaining understanding(at least for the time being). Please note that, barring certain exceptions, this is not at all to say one should simply perceive a given culture as dangerous and therefore is reason enough to not engage with the given culture. Dangers that are present on a given individual(s) of a culture are not necessarily representative of that culture as a whole, but merely of the person/persons being observed.

Observe for interaction: Watch how individuals of a given culture interact with one another and with outsiders. The idea here is to learn the do's and don'ts of engaging a particular culture. If they react negatively to outsiders, consider the approach, the exchanges, etc. This ties in with both safety and speculation in the sense that one must determine if interacting with said group is dangerous, or if(far more likely) there are customs and guidelines for interacting with the group to ensure both parties are respected.

As always, be sure to be open-minded about observation. Don't make judgments, make theories instead, and be open to change or even discard these theories as more information is obtained. Don't be afraid to move beyond the comfort zone and engage in discussion, either- observation, while a potential source of initial understanding, is just that- potential, and initial. If understanding is sought, it will come from discussion and interaction.

On communication

This post ties in particularly well with the one preceding it; the notion of communicating peacefully with those we fail to accept or understand tends to involve moving beyond the comfort zone. 

Principle- Communicate with others to gain greater understanding.

Communication is key to acceptance because communication provides understanding. Here, understanding does not at all imply a complete, comprehensive knowledge of a given person or lifestyle- in truth, while a goal, that is not necessary for acceptance. Instead, understanding simply means that which is encompassed by the topic at hand. it is this most basic understanding that can pave the way for greater understanding- but even for that basic understanding, effective communication is required.

So in effect, one problem with understanding is communication. Just as people are not willing to accept, they are not willing to understand. Just as they are unwilling to understand, they are unwilling to even communicate in some cases.

This is a separate entity from those who genuinely can’t communicate, on account of missing vocal cords and the like. No, this lack of communication, the kind of lack that stems from a refusal to communicate, rather than the inability, is what needs to be remedied. One can not even agree to disagree, let alone accept, if one refuses to communicate. One cannot realize that there is no true reason for opposition, if one does not communicate- so often mere misunderstandings can be taken for hatred or some other more detrimental force and therefore incite generations of bad blood/unnecessary suffering, all over a nonissue.

The idea here is simply to avoid unnecessary conflicts by communicating clearly and effectively in a non-confrontational manner. Already, there are so many lines that can be drawn that separate people- in the quest for understanding, for acceptance, there is no need to draw more lines simply due to mis- or non- communication.

Think about words and actions. If there are things that cannot be shared, be sure to think about why those things cannot be shared.If the whys tend to be heavily based on observation, one must then weigh those observations- things are not always what they seem. Oftentimes, it's a vicious cycle: a lack of understanding encourages a lack of communication, which leads to a lack of understanding. When refusing to communicate "They're not like us" Is not an acceptable answer.

Outside the comfort zone

Principle- Learning the ways of others.
We're all human, and that gives us an inherent number of similarities. But there are also many factors among us that vary, and therefore pave the way for any number of differences. When it comes to viewing others, if we do so in a negative light, more often than not it is in part because of a lack of understanding. Whether it is a complete lack of understanding, such as being introduced to an entirely new culture/religious belief/whatever, or a misconception caused by a bad experience or biased account of another individual, there tend to be things we do not understand about what we do not like.
If we're going to dislike something, it is best to understand why we come to feel that way. This is where the comfort zone comes in. Generally, mannerisms are found unappealing to a given individual because they are outside the normal perspective of said individual. In effect,

"I don't like x because I had a bad experience with it/my friend told me it is bad/ because I think it works this way, and I don't like that(but I don't realize it doesn't work the way I think it does), and on top of that, it is something I'd never ever do or say or believe because it's not who I am."

The purpose of this post is to encourage readers to lay such statements aside, to ask questions instead of making declarations. From one's perspective, activity/idea 'X' is unappealing, but what do we really know about it? It never hurts to learn more about what we don't understand, especially if we are focused on avoiding or condemning it based on our limited understanding. Why not get to know people who engage in X(in a polite and non confrontational manner)? Why not observe the activities, ask the questions and try to get an insider's perspective? If the activity or ideal is popular even among a small population, there must be something about it that makes sense.

Guidelines-
-Keep an open mind:Always be open to knowledge. Keeping an open mind doesn't mean that one has to adopt what they witness, but to merely witness without bias.
-Be ready to feel awkward and uncomfortable: Learning about or participating in something one does not understand or enjoy isn't guaranteed to be fun. Part of growing is moving beyond what one is familiar with, and learning about things one does not appreciate falls in well here. Don't let feelings of discomfort stop you from connecting with others.