Empathy

              Empathy by its very nature brings people together, which is the ultimate goal of Acceptance Theory. Anything that brings the people together in harmony is encouraged, and empathy goes further still by acknowledging and experiencing the feelings of others. To be concerned for the reality of such feelings, particularly the suffering of people, is to be aware that all people face hardships, and therefore are worthy of respect and understanding.

                Empathy allows people to understand each other’s perspectives through reliving and reassessing our own. In regards to Acceptance Theory, engaging in empathy is a challenge to actually immerse oneself in the feelings or the state of mind of another group or individual— especially if it is something far removed from one’s own typical experiences. It is a call to feel, truly feel, that which another feels. To reflect upon one’s own pain and suffering, or happiness, hope, relief, in a way that brings another’s into focus.

                The willingness to empathize is a token of good faith- that one would open themselves to hurt to establish a common ground. This allows different groups to remove some of the misconceptions between one another, specifically the ones that assume others are worse, or that we are better— put simply, the misconception that at the heart, others do not live as we do. The truth is, everyone requires the same things, and while we may meet these needs differently, we do continue to meet them, and in doing so, or failing to do so, we feel. This is true of all peoples, and nurturing empathy will reveal as much. By having empathy with a stranger, and other, one can move beyond the specifics and align oneself with others.

                Empathy can be achieved by recalling and acknowledging one’s own hurt and partaking of it to bring oneself in-line with the hurt of another. Given the often uncomfortable nature involved with such acts, some people refuse to empathize. Perhaps they are under the impression that empathizing is not about understanding, but more about making people suffer. In general, personal suffering is undesirable, and so, people tend to avoid it, particularly if this comes for the sake of others.
                Displays of empathy, while generally helpful as mutual acts, can become problematic if they are one-sided. When one group expects others to see their point of view and set aside their own problems to suffer with them, but refuses to budge for the other party, there is a hindrance of community.  This is also rather typical; we expect of others what we would not do ourselves, and will go to great lengths to disguise this, particularly in the face of opposition or interpretation. We polarize situations into right and wrong, and we, the ‘right’, therefore don’t have to empathize or change or suffer because we are right, but others, being 'wrong', should make pains to see our view.
                In our dealings with others, this may lead to a sort of ‘false’ empathy. Unhappy about our own situations, failing to perceive the circumstances of others, there arises the opportunity to centralize the discussion on our own woes at every turn, rather than listening to alternative perspectives. This may include the exaggeration or misrepresentation of our issues and lead to a ‘false alarm’ effect in others who might ordinarily be empathetic to our circumstances.
                In order to empathize, one must be able to relate without taking attention, sharing of the self to soothe and placate without dismissing or overshadowing the feelings of the wounded. We must be willing to take steps to stand with others, to celebrate and grieve with them, understanding that they feel the things we do, seek the lives we do.