Choice, Circumstance

            We all have choices. While we are to some level a product of our circumstances, the effect of causes beyond our control, we have some limited level of freedom. It is true, unfortunately, that some people have far more freedom than others. All of us, however, have at least a little bit. With our choices we create change. This is a reality, as change is the only constant, and our decisions to act or not act shape the world around us. Change, and taking action to bend it to our will is something that has been discussed in accordance with Acceptance Theory; a conscious change in how we view the world and others is essential for such a belief to succeed. It is, in effect, the only way to change our current ‘effect’, our circumstances.
            In some sense, our choices define us. Quite literally, this is the case in regards to some aspects of identity. Some may choose a specific hobby to engage in. Others might prefer a specific hairstyle, or a type of food. In another sense, our circumstances also define us- different aspects of our identity. We are, according to race, part of one(or many) races dependent upon who our parents were- a circumstance beyond our ability to change.
            One could imagine that our choices relate to freedom in the way that our circumstances relate to control. While it is true that our circumstances sometimes determine the choices we have available, the reverse is also true, where the choices we make in those circumstances again allows us to create different circumstances, for better or worse.
            Why, then, do so many people choose to stagnate in their circumstances, or worse, create even more toxic ones with their choices? This question is one that is not asked often enough, earnestly enough. As with cause and effect, the asking is not enough. An answer must be found, but for that, the circumstance must be understood as completely as possible. More often than not, it is more than a simple choice to do nothing, or to make the bad decision. Sometimes, the bad decision is the best of a slew of bad options.
            It seems in this life there are more bad options than good options. In the day to day, we console ourselves for our decisions based off of our intentions and remind ourselves how little choice we actually had; that if a better option presented itself, we would surely take it up instead of whatever we have decided upon. This relates to freedom and control where ignorance is a controlling factor; if a better means exists and we do not know it, then from the perspective of our minds, there are no good choices, only less awful ones.
            While we understand this for ourselves, we do not often understand it for other people. Perhaps we can see options that they cannot, and we judge them, rather than lift the veil of ignorance to make those options available. Of course, there is also the possibility(and often, reality) that the options that we see that the others do not are no options at all- and we would realize this if we saw such from the perspective of those others. Perception. We continue to judge people for situations we do not understand, and forget in doing so(particularly when we are judged) the existence of perspective and knowing beyond “They don’t know me.”
            We need to know each other. We need to make plain our circumstances and our thoughts, and understand truthfully the circumstances and the thoughts of others. We will find that our circumstances(like ourselves) are all rather similar, and therefore the limitations can all be similarly defeated. First, however, we have to recognize these limitations, both within ourselves, and those created by the world(and other people) around us. Once we know this, we can make better choices for ourselves and those around us. There’s no need to make the best of a bad situation if we can simply create a good situation. The only thing in our way is a lack of imagination.

Reciprocity

           The notion of Reciprocity builds upon the same state of mind required for ideas like Plus One. While the latter focuses on the spread of positivity through random kindness, Reciprocity moves one step further to build a system of equals and awareness, treating kindness with kindness. Plus, one, plus many- and while keeping score was part of the ‘fun’ and a source of encouragement for Plus One, there is no such thing as tallying points when it comes to doing the right thing.
            Reciprocity, put simply, is the golden rule. It’s been said before. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Individuals should strive to stand by their own words, and their actions should follow their code; at the very least, doing right by themselves and acknowledging the kindnesses they receive.  Establishing such a code helps us to be aware of ourselves; monitoring our ability to follow that code, and treat others accordingly with it is what helps us to be aware of others. This awareness is a crucial step in allowing us to see other people as people, instead of just entities of no concern(or worse) simply existing in ‘our’ world.
            Much of the strife in the world, all of the suffering, be it from want of resources, warfare, anything that stifles the people physically, emotionally, spiritually, economically and so on- all of such ills can be traced back to a situation where someone does not care enough about an ‘other’ in order to ensure their needs are met. This is a truth in both ‘polite’ and ‘third world’ society, where individuals are encouraged to be self-first, and while we are taught the golden rule as children, such a value is discarded in the adult world, replaced by selfishness disguised as ‘ambition’ or  exploitation disguised as ‘cleverness’.  Oftentimes, we pay little mind to how our actions are perceived by others, and yet when someone steps on our toes, literally or figuratively, we immediately take offense and ponder how they could be so careless as to not consider us.
            Suffice to say, practicing Reciprocity in a positive manner, like many other things, it is a tool for connection; by associating ourselves with our character(the way we want to be treated) and our actions(the way we treat others), we can thereby associate ourselves with those others as people worthy of being treated kindly. And, much like the endgame of Plus One, the kindness and consideration we put out in the world can help encourage others to do the same; in this world where we do not consider one another, there are brief moments, when we, considered, find a space of peace, relief, and gratitude. Imagine if everyone could feel that way all the time when dealing with others.
            If we are to reach such contentment, this is the way. Constant reminders from ourselves, to ourselves, to be mindful of our behavior. The acknowledgement of the kind behavior others perform. We must make this a natural frame of mind. We allow ourselves to see the good in ourselves and other people, and this brings us to interacting with them more often, and learning truthfully about them, instead of allowing our preconceived notions rule the day. These acts of kindness, and the communication that follows in their wake make it clear that we are willing to overcome artificial boundaries and limitations in favor of connection, which is what Acceptance Theory is all about.

Cause and Effect - (The Nature of Circumstances)

                Causes are the things that we perceive and respond to.(RE:Why we are the way that we are) Effects are the nature of our response (RE:We are, We do, We think, We feel). Causes can also be effects, and effects can also be causes, because nothing is isolated.  This is relevant, because like cause and effect, and through cause and effect, Acceptance Theory is connection. As individuals and as groups we have things that have caused our various traits, qualities, practices, and behaviors. The way we operate under these causes is an effect that we then pass on to those with whom we interact. We are connected.

                Identifying causes and the associated effects allows us as people to make sense of this world and all of the details in it. It allows for logic, higher understanding, and communication. When we identify the source(cause) of one thing, that provides us the means to identify a solution, or perhaps a better use of that which is produced.  This is true of natural phenomena, but also people and their groups, cultures. The actions of various groups provoke reactions in other groups. Sometimes these reactions are neutral or positive, but oftentimes they are negative.

                By taking a thorough look at causes and working to truly identify them, one can come to understand a situation(or a person) much more clearly. As mentioned earlier, this clarity allows for the solution of problems, the understanding of differences, the keys to communication, collaboration, and prosperity. Between groups, an understanding of cause in effect not only educates us about a given other, but it allows us to act accordingly to provoke a positive response, and perhaps provides a newfound respect for that group and their causes.
                An incomplete or altogether lacking knowledge of cause and effect. Perhaps more accurately, the overlooking of the true causes associated with a given group… these can cause strife and generally decrease the quality of living. This is pertinent especially when people focus so much on the effects that they fail to see the causes responsible; They may identify a reason that benefits their feelings or attitudes about the person or group(confirmation bias) without considering all of the details.
                Furthermore, the inability to see that a situation can be both the cause of a future circumstance, and yet an effect of the previous circumstance is another thing that limits our ability to come together. We witness the actions of a group, and may correctly identify the causes of such behavior, but do not find how those causes came about, namely the causes of the causes(effects) that result in the group’s traits and behaviors. We are led, by our own perceptions, and those of others, to disregard such things and not dig so deeply, perhaps because one effect from other groups and our distaste of them is the desire to avoid understanding them properly, so we can continue to dislike, disregard, and forget about them.

                If we are to overcome such pitfalls, we must work to cure diseases, rather than symptoms. Instead of looking at groups and judging them out of hand, or even judging them for things that genuinely are disagreeable or problematic, it pays to look deeper and determine why things are as they are. After all, a lot that is attributed to choice is actually not so- the result of circumstances. If we look deeper, we become able to separate groups from situations, and even insert other groups(hypothetically) in order to clarify the relationships that we have with each other and the situations we find ourselves in.