On Observation

Principle- Monitor and interpret observations wisely.

A while ago, I made a post regarding the nature of judgments. 

The brief recap- everyone is judgmental on some level, the slightest level of interaction(essentially, all it takes is one individual perceiving another with any of the five senses) is grounds for a judgment. That being said, it is important to move beyond those initial judgments and gain additional understanding.

Observation has come up in a number of posts thus far, but I've never addressed it directly. Normally, there is simply a short little bit about observation being limited compared to interaction/communication and is an obstacle to leaving the comfort zone, ie "that doesn't 'look' fun or interesting or good, therefore I'm not going to bother with it."

While those above points are true, observation still should play a role in one's quest to understand and accept others. In a sense, ruling observation out completely is impossible, for observation is an extension of perception, and without perception, one cannot interact with others. Even beyond that inseparability, however, there are uses for observation.

Observe for speculation: Simply observing a people or practice will not provide everything there is to know about the subject matter. Nonetheless, by observation, one can identify certain qualities that are staples of aforementioned people/practice. Based on these observations, it is possible to (with respect) engage in discussion with individuals who are different. Having a specific aspect of a person's culture/lifestyle to address to question allows room for discussion. Contrast such a discussion to one where few observations are made and one simply questions the entirety of one's culture/lifestyle/practice. In the former case, one is curious. In the latter, one may be perceived as confrontational.

Observe for safety: Should be a no brainer- Identify potential hazards or other dangers. If a situation appears to be dangerous, then observation alone is likely the better course of gaining understanding(at least for the time being). Please note that, barring certain exceptions, this is not at all to say one should simply perceive a given culture as dangerous and therefore is reason enough to not engage with the given culture. Dangers that are present on a given individual(s) of a culture are not necessarily representative of that culture as a whole, but merely of the person/persons being observed.

Observe for interaction: Watch how individuals of a given culture interact with one another and with outsiders. The idea here is to learn the do's and don'ts of engaging a particular culture. If they react negatively to outsiders, consider the approach, the exchanges, etc. This ties in with both safety and speculation in the sense that one must determine if interacting with said group is dangerous, or if(far more likely) there are customs and guidelines for interacting with the group to ensure both parties are respected.

As always, be sure to be open-minded about observation. Don't make judgments, make theories instead, and be open to change or even discard these theories as more information is obtained. Don't be afraid to move beyond the comfort zone and engage in discussion, either- observation, while a potential source of initial understanding, is just that- potential, and initial. If understanding is sought, it will come from discussion and interaction.

On communication

This post ties in particularly well with the one preceding it; the notion of communicating peacefully with those we fail to accept or understand tends to involve moving beyond the comfort zone. 

Principle- Communicate with others to gain greater understanding.

Communication is key to acceptance because communication provides understanding. Here, understanding does not at all imply a complete, comprehensive knowledge of a given person or lifestyle- in truth, while a goal, that is not necessary for acceptance. Instead, understanding simply means that which is encompassed by the topic at hand. it is this most basic understanding that can pave the way for greater understanding- but even for that basic understanding, effective communication is required.

So in effect, one problem with understanding is communication. Just as people are not willing to accept, they are not willing to understand. Just as they are unwilling to understand, they are unwilling to even communicate in some cases.

This is a separate entity from those who genuinely can’t communicate, on account of missing vocal cords and the like. No, this lack of communication, the kind of lack that stems from a refusal to communicate, rather than the inability, is what needs to be remedied. One can not even agree to disagree, let alone accept, if one refuses to communicate. One cannot realize that there is no true reason for opposition, if one does not communicate- so often mere misunderstandings can be taken for hatred or some other more detrimental force and therefore incite generations of bad blood/unnecessary suffering, all over a nonissue.

The idea here is simply to avoid unnecessary conflicts by communicating clearly and effectively in a non-confrontational manner. Already, there are so many lines that can be drawn that separate people- in the quest for understanding, for acceptance, there is no need to draw more lines simply due to mis- or non- communication.

Think about words and actions. If there are things that cannot be shared, be sure to think about why those things cannot be shared.If the whys tend to be heavily based on observation, one must then weigh those observations- things are not always what they seem. Oftentimes, it's a vicious cycle: a lack of understanding encourages a lack of communication, which leads to a lack of understanding. When refusing to communicate "They're not like us" Is not an acceptable answer.

Outside the comfort zone

Principle- Learning the ways of others.
We're all human, and that gives us an inherent number of similarities. But there are also many factors among us that vary, and therefore pave the way for any number of differences. When it comes to viewing others, if we do so in a negative light, more often than not it is in part because of a lack of understanding. Whether it is a complete lack of understanding, such as being introduced to an entirely new culture/religious belief/whatever, or a misconception caused by a bad experience or biased account of another individual, there tend to be things we do not understand about what we do not like.
If we're going to dislike something, it is best to understand why we come to feel that way. This is where the comfort zone comes in. Generally, mannerisms are found unappealing to a given individual because they are outside the normal perspective of said individual. In effect,

"I don't like x because I had a bad experience with it/my friend told me it is bad/ because I think it works this way, and I don't like that(but I don't realize it doesn't work the way I think it does), and on top of that, it is something I'd never ever do or say or believe because it's not who I am."

The purpose of this post is to encourage readers to lay such statements aside, to ask questions instead of making declarations. From one's perspective, activity/idea 'X' is unappealing, but what do we really know about it? It never hurts to learn more about what we don't understand, especially if we are focused on avoiding or condemning it based on our limited understanding. Why not get to know people who engage in X(in a polite and non confrontational manner)? Why not observe the activities, ask the questions and try to get an insider's perspective? If the activity or ideal is popular even among a small population, there must be something about it that makes sense.

Guidelines-
-Keep an open mind:Always be open to knowledge. Keeping an open mind doesn't mean that one has to adopt what they witness, but to merely witness without bias.
-Be ready to feel awkward and uncomfortable: Learning about or participating in something one does not understand or enjoy isn't guaranteed to be fun. Part of growing is moving beyond what one is familiar with, and learning about things one does not appreciate falls in well here. Don't let feelings of discomfort stop you from connecting with others.

Principle: A need for self change.

Principle- Self change for Acceptance.

As human beings we must change to make improvement possible. Some changes are smaller than others, but are changes nonetheless. Just as with other improvements, Acceptance Theory or accepting and understanding individuals in spite of differences, requires a change.

The idea here is that certain mindsets are open to acceptance and understanding; we all understand some things, and we all accept some things, but most of us have areas where we cannot or will not accept(or bother to understand) certain things, be they individuals or ideals. We must change our mindsets to allow consideration of concepts normally beyond our comfort zones.

Guidelines-
-Keep an open mind: Realize there are things one does not understand.
-Consider your prejudices(And generally, disregard them): Why do you have them? How much stock can truly be placed in them? Are they reasonable at all?
-Recognize the limitations of past experiences: Understand that those experiences may have some relevance, but also weigh the circumstances- do not assume the past is also the future.



By keeping an open mind, one is less likely to shut out automatically what they do not recognize or understand. By re-evaluating prejudices(and in the same vein, stereotypes) a person can learn just how well founded such things are, and discover many are baseless or too inaccurate to draw lasting conclusions. By realizing the past scenarios may be similar, yet not the same, one concedes that the future is not completely determined, that bad experiences do not necessarily cement evidence toward rejecting a person completely or immediately.

Restructuring

This Acceptance Theory of mine is something that I've been thinking on for a while, and, much like my own thought, is focused in chains but does not necessarily connect as well as I'd like it to, especially when being transferred to a medium that can be shared with others. In dealing with others, there has been a misunderstanding of my intentions, and part of that may have come from my own inability to communicate effectively among other things.


For the time being I will keep the previous posts as is, but as I am still thinking on this subject and my ideas are expanding, I hope to reorganize the current concepts in a fitting order even as I introduce more. I will say however that to think of such concepts in list format is somewhat limiting, given they are interconnected, but do not necessarily follow an A to B route- it might be easier(or more applicable) to take the 'steps' out of order or rule out some entirely given certain situations.

In summary: The order of concepts is not final and will change as I flesh things out. Be patient and understand that the concepts matter more than any particular path through them.

Edit: I will likely explain each concept as a Principle/Guideline/Rule format, Basically a foundation with tiered detailing.

The key major principle is Acceptance obviously, with smaller principles which might be considered guidelines to acceptance but principles in their own right, with rules of their own. Hopefully I will manage to make it detailed and understandable and not needlessly complex.