Taking Stock

It’s important every so often that we take a moment to consider our lives. In consideration, merely looking for what we want but do not have does not qualify. We must strive, yes, but we must also observe that which is much closer; that which is around us, and in our possession. Not having the things than we would like to have is no reason to lack gratitude for those things that we do have.
            This is not merely a discussion of possessions; in fact, quite the opposite. We have been encouraged in this technologically evolving world to seek the latest and greatest, and we gauge ourselves and others by what they own rather than who they are. Instead, we should consider the qualities we possess, the opportunities before us, and the people around us (and value them for their qualities, rather than their opportunities or their possessions).
            It’s important to recognize our good fortune when it comes, even if we are beset by failure and difficulty. This is not to say that we must disregard great hardship for the sake of any small kindness we receive, but rather that we should learn and grow from both as best we can. There will be hardship, and there will be easy times- kindness given and withheld. Although we should strive for a kinder world as a whole, there yet remains a lot of ugliness that must be surmounted to get there. For that reason, in those moments of peace and clarity, to take a breath, to rest, to simply smile- these are good things.
            In our effort to make the very most of every moment, the moment may be wasted. Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing, because nothing is not necessarily nothing- just a departure from that which is traditionally considered important in today’s society. Our lives are made just as much in the moments in between as the ones when we are striving. Who we are includes our action(and inaction) at all times- what we do for ourselves, our friends and families, and the world.
            Those moments in between are important for both rest and reflection. We reflect on the good things that have come our way, and we recover our strength for the trying times that lie ahead. We make plans for the future, but we don’t abandon the present.

Patience and Assessment

            Patience is an attitude that can be brought to any situation. It's not what is done, but how it is done. Typically it is associated with waiting, but really applies to decisions, actions, and words. Patience essentially is timing and behavior. Patience allows us to give others the benefit of the doubt. It allows situations to develop. It allows us to observe. Essentially it makes room for us to avoid rushing into traps, literally and figuratively. When we are patient, we can see more than actions and events, but the reasons behind them. We can actually think about possibilities and outcomes. It can even protect us from things we are not aware of. If we are patient and being observed by someone who is judging our character (who is in a position that will affect us) they will think highly of us and offer us opportunities or assistance that might otherwise be unavailable.
            Patience can be thought of as an investment- good faith- when applied to others. Most people appreciate others who are patient with them- and more would if we all developed a spirit of patience over recklessness and rushing. When we give others time to fix their mistakes, to learn, and to improve, they hold us in higher esteem, and they are likely to return the favor. Furthermore, as they develop, we may benefit from the fruits of their labor. Reciprocation ties in here- patience is a kindness, and people tend to return kindness with kindness (and should be encouraged to do so)
            However, we need to recognize when patience is causing more harm than good. If we are patient in situations that require action, opportunities may pass us by, or we might find ourselves in danger or conflict. Others may lose patience with us, because they see things we do not, or because they miss things that we observe. We must carefully assess the situation. Furthermore, we must be able to determine if it is a matter of patience limiting us, or some other factor (fear, pride, anger, sorrow).
            To that end, we need to learn what to look for in our decision making processes. We must also recognize when we are about to make an emotional response and instead, pause to ask (and answer honestly) key questions- What's at stake? How severe are the ramifications? What is felt, and where is the source? If there is not enough information and the threat is not great, if we cannot determine what about our situations causes us distress, we must carefully wait and determine what we can before making decisive, irreversible decisions.

Communication, Cooperation, Integration

            No one can do everything. Contrary to the values we indulge in today, and the faulty perception that paints individuals as marvelous, all powerful beings who have surmounted all of their challenges alone, we are rather limited without one another. This is not to say that the individual is not powerful; however, when we come together and align our talents, we develop a different sort of power that otherwise lies untapped.

            Cooperation, and more thoroughly, integration, brings people to recognize they are not alone – in their beliefs or their needs – and from there, provides an opportunity to explore both. By cooperating with one another, we establish compromise for a greater good. By integrating our knowledge and our talents, we strive further for the things that we all need. As it stands, we already cooperate and integrate with one another; however, we are not necessarily aware of how our efforts stack up together, and to what ends they lead. As mentioned before with cause and effect, nothing (and no one) is isolated.

            By working together, not only do we achieve that which we seek, but we further develop our personal strengths, the ones we pooled for common ends. Growth on a personal and societal level then paves the way for further growth in both realms, and no shortage of quality of life. However, in situations where people cooperate for the wrong reasons or with the wrong information, in the wrong way, the opposite may occur. Mutually assured destruction may be triggered consciously or unconsciously.

            Ironically, the solution to cooperation that results in negative ends is simply communicating to ensure cooperation and integration is positive. Communication allows us to acknowledge the needs and problems that we have in common. Sometimes our problems are only problems because we don’t know someone has the answer. Sometimes in revealing our problems, we uncover solutions. Instead of adding fuel to the fire based on paranoid fears and ignorance, we can communicate, learn each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and work together to meet all of our needs. We as people need to cooperate for the right reasons (self-growth, community improvement, creation) rather than the wrong ones(public image, personal wealth, destruction). We need to communicate to ensure we understand ourselves and others, and they understand us.  We need to speculate how our talents and knowledge can strengthen and be strengthened by those of others, particularly by those quite ‘different’ than us.

Choice, Circumstance

            We all have choices. While we are to some level a product of our circumstances, the effect of causes beyond our control, we have some limited level of freedom. It is true, unfortunately, that some people have far more freedom than others. All of us, however, have at least a little bit. With our choices we create change. This is a reality, as change is the only constant, and our decisions to act or not act shape the world around us. Change, and taking action to bend it to our will is something that has been discussed in accordance with Acceptance Theory; a conscious change in how we view the world and others is essential for such a belief to succeed. It is, in effect, the only way to change our current ‘effect’, our circumstances.
            In some sense, our choices define us. Quite literally, this is the case in regards to some aspects of identity. Some may choose a specific hobby to engage in. Others might prefer a specific hairstyle, or a type of food. In another sense, our circumstances also define us- different aspects of our identity. We are, according to race, part of one(or many) races dependent upon who our parents were- a circumstance beyond our ability to change.
            One could imagine that our choices relate to freedom in the way that our circumstances relate to control. While it is true that our circumstances sometimes determine the choices we have available, the reverse is also true, where the choices we make in those circumstances again allows us to create different circumstances, for better or worse.
            Why, then, do so many people choose to stagnate in their circumstances, or worse, create even more toxic ones with their choices? This question is one that is not asked often enough, earnestly enough. As with cause and effect, the asking is not enough. An answer must be found, but for that, the circumstance must be understood as completely as possible. More often than not, it is more than a simple choice to do nothing, or to make the bad decision. Sometimes, the bad decision is the best of a slew of bad options.
            It seems in this life there are more bad options than good options. In the day to day, we console ourselves for our decisions based off of our intentions and remind ourselves how little choice we actually had; that if a better option presented itself, we would surely take it up instead of whatever we have decided upon. This relates to freedom and control where ignorance is a controlling factor; if a better means exists and we do not know it, then from the perspective of our minds, there are no good choices, only less awful ones.
            While we understand this for ourselves, we do not often understand it for other people. Perhaps we can see options that they cannot, and we judge them, rather than lift the veil of ignorance to make those options available. Of course, there is also the possibility(and often, reality) that the options that we see that the others do not are no options at all- and we would realize this if we saw such from the perspective of those others. Perception. We continue to judge people for situations we do not understand, and forget in doing so(particularly when we are judged) the existence of perspective and knowing beyond “They don’t know me.”
            We need to know each other. We need to make plain our circumstances and our thoughts, and understand truthfully the circumstances and the thoughts of others. We will find that our circumstances(like ourselves) are all rather similar, and therefore the limitations can all be similarly defeated. First, however, we have to recognize these limitations, both within ourselves, and those created by the world(and other people) around us. Once we know this, we can make better choices for ourselves and those around us. There’s no need to make the best of a bad situation if we can simply create a good situation. The only thing in our way is a lack of imagination.